Law Enforcement Report

These come from the local Sheriff's report in the local paper:

"After I kicked him out he stayed outside the trailer hollering like a dog in the rain all night..."
This quote was from a woman reporting a domestic disturbance.

I am of the opinion that if this certain local paper had a comic section, none of the content would be as funny as the Sheriff and Police reports. I think the funniest thing about this quote above is that you can picture this idiot man standing outside the trailer howling, you can almost imagine how funny that may have actually sounded. The woman goes on to imply that she lost sleep because of it, but I reckon that the lost sleep was due to laughter.

"It was approximately 25 to 45 minutes from the time of the accident to the time I made contact with the suspect," wrote the deputy. "When I made contact with the suspect he stated that he had drank approximately 10 to 12 beers since he had been home but he had not had anything to drink prior to the accident."

If he had consumed a half-case of beer (in 45 minutes or in the previous 4 or 5 hours), I can see why the suspect thought that story would be believable.